Another week away, my greatest fear

I have had an interesting few days, I have been through the worst anxiety I have had in along time but I have also done amazing things and had a lot of fun.

Basically the anxiety stems from the my ex being pretty awful to me. When I left we were friends and used to talk all the time and tag each other in things and essentially just do what normal friends do. He had been ignoring my messages though, which made me really mad because its incredibly rude, so I asked him what was going on. He said I was messaging him too much and he was ‘copping a lot of flack’ for it. He also told me he was seeing someone and it was hard to justify why he was talking to me all the time. Just to be clear, I am not one of those crazy ex girlfriends that messages constantly and pines for him. Fair enough, I get a little bit sad and sent him a message telling him I was missing him, but that was because I was very sick and been driving all day and its my first big road trip without him. I’m honestly not that sad about him seeing someone, although I do get scared that I won’t find anyone, but I am mainly upset about how he treated me. All he had to do was nicely say to me ‘I have been seeing someone’ and I would have backed off. I understand that he is going to move on but the way he went about it made me feel so stupid and embarrassed and like I mean absolutely nothing to him. It’s silly but I just feel a little worthless at the moment, and lonely. Not having a significant other is not something that I am used to even though it has been a year and a half since we broke up. I guess its all a grieving process, I am sad that I have lost him, I am sad he has changed and I am so sad that this all happened in the first place. I just have to keep thinking that everything happens for a reason and things will get better.

Unfortunately, my brain just gives up on positivity sometimes and I fall apart a little and that is what happened after the conversation with my ex. I could barely talk and just wanted to stay in bed. I had several breakdowns to my travel partner who was so amazing and looked after me so well. Yesterday, she was very worried about me but I slept a fair bit yesterday and felt a lot better.

Today is my birthday so last night (after I slept off my anxiety) we went to Light Nightclub. Last time I was here, I went to Light and it was one of the best nights out I have ever had. That is also where I hooked up with the American boy who I eventually fell for. Light is incredible, it has Cirque Du Soleil performers that perform throughout the night and Alesso was playing so the music was amazing! We both had such a fun night and I had bought myself a really nice fancy dress to wear. It was a cute wiggle dress from a pin up store and while it was clingier than I would normally wear, I felt really sexy in it. Light was an amazing way to see in my birthday.

One error we did make was booking the Bellagio from the 24th to the 26th meaning we had to get up, pack our bags up and walk over from Flamingo with our terrible hang overs. The walk was rough with our huge bags and the random crap we have accumulated and then when we got to the Bellagio the check in line was huge and we both had to concentrate on not vomitting. Once we got to the room we had a nice nap and enjoyed our amazing view of the Bellagio fountains and the rest of the strip.

After chilling out all day in the room, we ordered room service and then got ready to head to Fremont Street in downtown Las Vegas. Fremont is the slightly seedier, crazier part of Las Vegas but that makes it the much better part. We were greeted with an eighties spandex band who were incredible, playing Guns and Roses and Kiss songs. From there we walked down Fremont street, taking in the crazy buskers (one of which was just a guy in underwear bopping to music) and went to a cool bar called The Griffin. A friend of mine described The Griffin as looking like Hogwarts and thats exactly what it was like, very English pub which low lighting and a fireplace.

Other than the amazing day 24 hours of my birthday, the other thing we did in Vegas was the Grand Canyon but we did it by helicopter instead of the 10 hour, round trip bus ride. The helicopter option is much more expensive but we decided to fork out. I have actually done this trip before when I was here last time but I was perfectly happy to go again. This time the tour included a limousine transfer to and from the airport and it was in the Limo that the most incredible thing happened. When the Limo picked us up, the driver apologised for being late and said that he had to wait for ‘The Jenners’ who were in the car. We just thought he was making a joke and so we jumped in. Then we realised, he was not joking, there in the seats were Brody Jenner and his mum Linda, his girlfriend Caitlin and her friend. They were so incredibly nice and introduced themselves to us straight away and asked where we were from. Linda said it was her birthday on the 23rd and that Brody had gotten the tour for her as a present, I told her my birthday was 24th. They went in a separate helicopter but when we actually landed in the canyon, when Linda saw us she said “Hey Brisbane” and they asked how the flight had gone. On the way back, another couple squeezed into the Limo (I think purely for the fact that Brody was in there) and during the drive they asked if they could get a photo. Straight away Brody’s demeanour changed and you could tell it was not something he was comfortable with and fair enough. It would be bizarre having people taking pictures of you when you are just trying to celebrate your mum’s birthday.

Now we are into our last day in vegas and there has been a bit of a change of plans. I have realised I do not have enough money to get through the next three weeks and so I am heading home on my original flight next week. Its actually really annoying because I was homesick and talked about heading home but now that I have no choice but to head home then, I am really disappointed and annoyed at myself for not looking after money better, nothing I can do now though. My poor travel buddy has now had to change her flight for the THIRD time because of me and it has been a bit of a stressful day. The only upside is- NEW YORK TOMORROW!!!!

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Another week away, my greatest fear

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