Another week away, my greatest fear

I have had an interesting few days, I have been through the worst anxiety I have had in along time but I have also done amazing things and had a lot of fun.

Basically the anxiety stems from the my ex being pretty awful to me. When I left we were friends and used to talk all the time and tag each other in things and essentially just do what normal friends do. He had been ignoring my messages though, which made me really mad because its incredibly rude, so I asked him what was going on. He said I was messaging him too much and he was ‘copping a lot of flack’ for it. He also told me he was seeing someone and it was hard to justify why he was talking to me all the time. Just to be clear, I am not one of those crazy ex girlfriends that messages constantly and pines for him. Fair enough, I get a little bit sad and sent him a message telling him I was missing him, but that was because I was very sick and been driving all day and its my first big road trip without him. I’m honestly not that sad about him seeing someone, although I do get scared that I won’t find anyone, but I am mainly upset about how he treated me. All he had to do was nicely say to me ‘I have been seeing someone’ and I would have backed off. I understand that he is going to move on but the way he went about it made me feel so stupid and embarrassed and like I mean absolutely nothing to him. It’s silly but I just feel a little worthless at the moment, and lonely. Not having a significant other is not something that I am used to even though it has been a year and a half since we broke up. I guess its all a grieving process, I am sad that I have lost him, I am sad he has changed and I am so sad that this all happened in the first place. I just have to keep thinking that everything happens for a reason and things will get better.

Unfortunately, my brain just gives up on positivity sometimes and I fall apart a little and that is what happened after the conversation with my ex. I could barely talk and just wanted to stay in bed. I had several breakdowns to my travel partner who was so amazing and looked after me so well. Yesterday, she was very worried about me but I slept a fair bit yesterday and felt a lot better.

Today is my birthday so last night (after I slept off my anxiety) we went to Light Nightclub. Last time I was here, I went to Light and it was one of the best nights out I have ever had. That is also where I hooked up with the American boy who I eventually fell for. Light is incredible, it has Cirque Du Soleil performers that perform throughout the night and Alesso was playing so the music was amazing! We both had such a fun night and I had bought myself a really nice fancy dress to wear. It was a cute wiggle dress from a pin up store and while it was clingier than I would normally wear, I felt really sexy in it. Light was an amazing way to see in my birthday.

One error we did make was booking the Bellagio from the 24th to the 26th meaning we had to get up, pack our bags up and walk over from Flamingo with our terrible hang overs. The walk was rough with our huge bags and the random crap we have accumulated and then when we got to the Bellagio the check in line was huge and we both had to concentrate on not vomitting. Once we got to the room we had a nice nap and enjoyed our amazing view of the Bellagio fountains and the rest of the strip.

After chilling out all day in the room, we ordered room service and then got ready to head to Fremont Street in downtown Las Vegas. Fremont is the slightly seedier, crazier part of Las Vegas but that makes it the much better part. We were greeted with an eighties spandex band who were incredible, playing Guns and Roses and Kiss songs. From there we walked down Fremont street, taking in the crazy buskers (one of which was just a guy in underwear bopping to music) and went to a cool bar called The Griffin. A friend of mine described The Griffin as looking like Hogwarts and thats exactly what it was like, very English pub which low lighting and a fireplace.

Other than the amazing day 24 hours of my birthday, the other thing we did in Vegas was the Grand Canyon but we did it by helicopter instead of the 10 hour, round trip bus ride. The helicopter option is much more expensive but we decided to fork out. I have actually done this trip before when I was here last time but I was perfectly happy to go again. This time the tour included a limousine transfer to and from the airport and it was in the Limo that the most incredible thing happened. When the Limo picked us up, the driver apologised for being late and said that he had to wait for ‘The Jenners’ who were in the car. We just thought he was making a joke and so we jumped in. Then we realised, he was not joking, there in the seats were Brody Jenner and his mum Linda, his girlfriend Caitlin and her friend. They were so incredibly nice and introduced themselves to us straight away and asked where we were from. Linda said it was her birthday on the 23rd and that Brody had gotten the tour for her as a present, I told her my birthday was 24th. They went in a separate helicopter but when we actually landed in the canyon, when Linda saw us she said “Hey Brisbane” and they asked how the flight had gone. On the way back, another couple squeezed into the Limo (I think purely for the fact that Brody was in there) and during the drive they asked if they could get a photo. Straight away Brody’s demeanour changed and you could tell it was not something he was comfortable with and fair enough. It would be bizarre having people taking pictures of you when you are just trying to celebrate your mum’s birthday.

Now we are into our last day in vegas and there has been a bit of a change of plans. I have realised I do not have enough money to get through the next three weeks and so I am heading home on my original flight next week. Its actually really annoying because I was homesick and talked about heading home but now that I have no choice but to head home then, I am really disappointed and annoyed at myself for not looking after money better, nothing I can do now though. My poor travel buddy has now had to change her flight for the THIRD time because of me and it has been a bit of a stressful day. The only upside is- NEW YORK TOMORROW!!!!

Another week away, my greatest fear

Okay, I feel better now…

So the title is actually the name of an AFI song which came on in the car while I was driving today but I thought it was quite fitting as I am feeling a lot better today. Today was one of those days that made me remember why I travel, one of those days that reminds you that the temporary missing of home and friends and family is all worth it. I will get to today in a moment, first of all I will let you know what has been going on the last few days. San Francisco ended amazingly! I have actually had the best last few days. Our room-mate in our hostel was an awesome girl from Bombay who was with her work mates for a conference. They came to America for a couple of days before the conference to have a bit of fun before starting work. We ended up partying with these guys and they were such good fun! It is great for me as well because I am planning to head to India in 2017 (yes, I have already planned my travel for the next two years) and it will be amazing to have local tour guides.This another of my favourite things about travelling, meeting new people, keeping in contact with them and then finally somewhere down the track meeting up again. I have met so many amazing people and I will definitely be making that a separate post as I have so many great stories. Yesterday we left San Francisco and headed to Yosemite National Park where we stayed for the night. The room cost $300 for the night but it was the most delightful little cottage in the woods with a fireplace, so we didn’t mind forking out the extra money, especially because we’ve been in hostels for most of the trip. This morning we set off to Tonopah in Nevada and to get to it we basically had to drive through the very middle of Yosemite. Cue the most scenic and breath-taking drive I have ever witnessed. While I was living in London, I did a week of driving through Scotland, sleeping in a Wicked Van. It was one of the best and most relaxing weeks of my life and the scenery was unlike anything I had ever seen. I honestly thought I was never going to see anything that would top Scotland and today I did!! It went from beautiful cliffs and lush green forest and then as we elevated to 9946 feet above sea level, suddenly we were surrounded by snow-capped mountains and there was snow on the ground. It was a little unexpected and we were caught off guard clothing wise, getting out to take photos in a short skirt and t-shirt was a fun time. After coming out of Yosemite, the landscape became an odd mix between forests and mountains and desert as we inched closer to Nevada. Both Kristy and I had read about a town in Nevada that had motel that was clown themed and also had a really old cemetery next to it. I am incredibly scared of clowns so logically, I thought it was a great idea to head to Tonopah and check the Clown Motel out. Tonopah is exactly what comes to mind when I think small town in the middle of the Nevada Desert. To be completely honest, it creeped me out a little but this is a result of watching way too many horror movies set in the middle of nowhere in America (The Hills Have Eyes anyone?) Then the scenery changed to very long, straight roads with nothing much around and homes with way too many old, beaten up vehicles in the yards. Eventually after an incredibly long but fantastic drive, we could see the Vegas lights glowing in the distance, and for the second time in my life I drove into the craziness that is the Las Vegas strip. I came to Vegas in 2013 and that trip was the catalyst to massive changes in my life. I am a different person to who I was last time I was here and it is weird to be back here after everything that has happened (I will explain this in a separate post as it is a whole saga in itself) I am very excited though as I will partying here for my birthday, if it is half as eventful as my last trip, I will have the most amazing time. Birthday week is my favourite week of the year!!

Okay, I feel better now…